Article: Fear of Failure

Discussion in 'Development, Skills & Advice' started by redumpire, Jul 30, 2008.

  1. keely

    keely FHF Legend

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    I took this comment as saying not, "Could we please get back on topic," but "just wait, some jerk is going to come along and ruin our legitimate fun in being off-topic."

    Given that you've complained about being constrained in the past before, it seemed to be a reasonable interpretation.

    Not a really good defense, red. Grumpy's right - there is obviously more to discuss and the thread belongs to everyone who is contributing.

    Jordan is someone that I quote to my 13 year-old stepson often (he's a basketballer) as a model of an athlete who embraces failure as an integral part of success. It's a great message.
     
  2. redumpire

    redumpire FHF All Time Great
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    It wasn't an entirely serious comment, Keely... In fact, hell, you know what, it was a joke! :)
     
  3. Danny

    Danny FHF Regular Player

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    liked the MJ video, he is a perfect role model for everyone invoved in sport in my personal opinion considering where he came from and what he achieved.

    great comment and video braxter
     
  4. Snoody

    Snoody FHF All Time Great

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    Sorry I'm late... (can't believe I missed three pages of great comments, videos and links from many of my favourite fellow FHFers...)
    Much to be applauded in previous comments, even the OT stuff...

    It really only becomes failure when you stop trying. Getting it wrong time and again, but giving it another go in an effort to get it right - that isn't failure, that's progress.
    - It's what Mum told me on my first day of secondary school.
     
  5. redumpire

    redumpire FHF All Time Great
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    Wow! My mum said "Have you got your lunchbox and your bus money, David? Have fun. See you tonight." lol
     
  6. Snoody

    Snoody FHF All Time Great

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    Yeah, my mum was like that: always trying to be all deep and meaningful instead of feeding us.
    Surprised I made it to adulthood.
     
  7. justin-old

    justin-old FHF Legend

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    For me, as the youngest of 7, it might have been as meaningful as "Bye!" lol
     
  8. keely

    keely FHF Legend

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    Parents have such a tremendous effect on our attitudes towards failure it can't be overstated.

    My father was the kind of parent who, after coming home with an exam mark of 98%, would ask where the other 2% went. No wonder it took me years, well into my adult life, before I could face the possibility of failure and realize how beneficial it really is.
     
  9. Snoody

    Snoody FHF All Time Great

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    No TV, huh?
     
  10. johncoxon

    johncoxon FHF Legend

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    Interesting topic and related to that comfort zone thing because I guess people who are afraid to take risks often lead stagnant safe and therefore sometimes unfulfilled lives. He who Dares wins ? There must be so many inventors around who stuck to their guns and failed many times, were unafraid to risk ridicule and finally produced something worthwhile and maybe life changing.

    The thread reminded me of something I heard on the radio the other day on the news about children. Here is the article on the Beeb website which laments the fact that over cautious parents are discouraging kids from adventurous play and taking risks thus perhaps limiting their chances from learning from mistakes and extending the boundaries of their imagination and experience beyond that which is familiar and comfortable. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7540076.stm

    In the business world I think so many employees are discouraged from being constructively critical or innovative by their managers ( or allow themselves not to be ?) and in fact compliance isn’t an option in many organisations and so you ask yourself where are the developments going to come from when people are afraid to risk something new rather than stay in the box. Whether reading other people's learned articles about business, company policy etc wouldn't it be great if people had the faith to examine their own thoughts and experiences , rely on their own observations and reflections and challenge conventional parameters now and again whilst accepting differnet perspectives and keeping challenges to their own perceptions in perspective?.

    Apparent failure, having taken a risk, say asking someone for a date and being “rejected “ , offering a suggestion at a meeting that is a tad radical that gets shot down- well that can be taken onboard by some and add to their learning- chalk it down to experience but some people take so-called "knock backs" like this much harder, loose their sense of proportion and consequently allow their self- esteem to drop and feeling of self worth to be diluted.

    I am a strong believer that each one of us is responsible for their sense of worth and it should never be dependent on what anyone thinks or says and it isn’t about luck or about particular life experiences – it is about how you deal with it and if you are prepared to take ownership rather than blame someone else you remain strong, continue to learn and develop. That is not to say I am indifferent to what anyone else thinks or says about me or something Ithink or feel as that adds tomy experience too and should do.

    We are sold perfection, a romantic view of the world in childhood with fictional perfect relationships and outcomes and hence many people buy into the myth of, for example, of the perfect marriage and avoid conflict and confrontation and thus let things go that should really have been addressed. In the real world pretty much everybody screws up and that happens a lot in relationships but isn’t it how you deal with it that counts. Same on the field of play ? We may have our sports heroes and heroines, our dream teams and underlying that a certain idealism of what constitutes success and achievement. Murray , Andy, the Scot has become a thread here very recently and in the past had his ups and downs , failures and successes but he appears to have put the “failure†to good use, using it in a positive way , kept a sense of perspective and is now reaping the rewards of what must be self-belief. So much of sport , team or individual, and success or failure in it is psychological and not just skill and fitness. Dealing with risk and potential failure helps define you I think.

    I recall a defining moment in my own life. When I was about 12 or 13 I used to watch bigger boys elegantly and effortlessly diving into the sea from a high diving board at the end of the harbour wall. I’d walk to the end of the board and jump but was afraid to dive from up there and the reason wasn’t that I might hurt myself but that I’d look foolish messing it up I guess. One evening, when there was hardly any one around I edged onto the board, took a risk and in I went head first. I felt ten feet tall as I broke the surface. Did it my way, in my own time but did it. It wasn’t about who was watching – it was a kind of battle with myself and there’s the rub. I have never been afraid of failing and try not to listen to the “can’t†voice that might dominate my head if I let it. Isn’t it about personal choice, doing the best you can, being the best you can be and if that doesn’t carry a risk well you maybe playing it too safe. I choose not to be frightened of possible negative outcomes and try to be can do.
     
  11. justin-old

    justin-old FHF Legend

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    Not much, Snoody, in 1939 ;)
     
  12. deegum

    deegum FHF Legend

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    Justin said:
    2008-68= 1940
    ( Would you believe I used the calculator on the puter for that?
    Spellcheck and calculators. The ruin of a decent education. :sorry: )
    So, either,
    • you started school a year before you were born
    • you've fibbed about your age
    • you've oldTimers disease./li]
    Actually there wasn't much TV in 1949 either.
    -First time I ever set eyes on a TV set,-9" screen with 30 watching it in a shop window- Stanley Matthews was 3-1 down against Bolton in the FA cup final.
    Dammit I didn't stay till the end.
     
  13. Snoody

    Snoody FHF All Time Great

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    Oops. Think you might have missed something...
     
  14. deegum

    deegum FHF Legend

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    He won 4-3 didn't he? bounced the ball off Perry's head to score the fourth, or something like that?
    I mean I was 11 and couldn't cope with him losing!
    Oh,btw, Blackpool was playing that day as well.
     
  15. justin-old

    justin-old FHF Legend

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    Glad to see you are paying attention, deegum, even if you can't figger that, if I was born in 1940, there's a good chance I was conceived in '39, which is, surely, the date relevant to the (rather impertinent) question? :yes: :rolleyes:

    (And the 'Matthews Final' was in 1953!)
     
  16. contramowly

    contramowly FHF Legend

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    lol lol lol
    JUSTINO, excuse me, my poster and the reference to third age made people exagerate a bit and think third age is cretacic
    or close to.

    For TV I'm told the first emissions were in 1936 approximately, but I imagine you closer to TOTP watching mmm at least, at
    least, Roxy Music (with Brian Eno) in an ideal world, but according you are an umpire in Spain, and this is far from ideal but TOO HOT, maybe it was the Bay City Rollers (blech) and those dreadful high waist trousers and those dreadful belts, and even worse
    shoes and hairdoes...

    Ziggy Stardust should pay for all the harm done these days...
     
  17. David_Underdown

    David_Underdown FHF Regular Player

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    The BBC began broadcasting TV around 1939, from the Alexandra Palace transmitter, but with the outbreak of war in September 1939 the service was shut down (the transmitter was later used for what would now be called Electronic Counter Measures to reduce the effectiveness of German radio navigation aids). On the eventual resumption of broadcasting, the same announcer who had been last to speak before the shut down was the first to speak on the restarted service - and I beleive they then showed what should have been the next scheduled programme!
     
  18. deegum

    deegum FHF Legend

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    the coronation year ( English coronation )
    at the time the only things I knew about gambling was that SP bookies were illegal, so that was why people went in the back door of the shop in the market square...-
    but I recall the chances of
    Stanley winning his medal
    Gordon Richards winning the Derby ( that's a horse race, sort of like the Melbourne Cup but not nearly as important)
    And Hillary climbing Everest.
    Were regarded as astronomical.

    And they all happened

    Obviously none of them had a fear of failure.

    he says cunningly dragging the thread back on track.
     
  19. contramowly

    contramowly FHF Legend

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    been reviewing Wikipedia and says 1900, first emission in Paris in a, electrical show (but this could be probably written by a frenchie, and as everybody knows, they proclaim to be the first in everything...including the invention of english language...);
    then we've got emisions (electricals) in 1932 in... Paris (so suspicious, again, haha); In 1937 first electronic emisions in Paris and London ...

    But to be frank, my feeling is TV was invented by Plato in the ancient Greece, at the cavern, where the Beatles were playing completely stoned...

    Watching now Beijing 2008, Canada 2 - Argentina 1 End of match Women Football. Congrats Keely Dunn, Cascadia, etcetera
     
  20. Grumpy

    Grumpy FHF Legend

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    Continuing on track
    I personally think every one of has a fear of failure and this includes our jobs, our family lives and in out choosen sports or recreation.
    With training in the work place and in our sport mine being hockey and fishing the experiences and the skills we are taught and we learn from others by watching and then copying our fear lessens.
    In work i still do not want to make mistakes so my striving to be the best i am is driven by the fear of making a mistake and a mistaske is failure. To help me cope i am continually updating my knowlage and skills so the chances of errors and mistakes are lessened for me and my staff around me.
    This is the same with sport, the fear comes from being critisised in a public forum, your team not doing well or your tactics going wrong on the day.
    The fear is that as things go wrong as a coach you may not know how to put things right either during the match or in the days after the match.
    So to put yourself on the public stage you have to have this fear but you also have to be able to overcome that fear by continually striving to be the best that you can and to update your knowlage anyway you can.
    The increased and upto date knowlage helps me cope with the fear of failure and to analyse what went wrong in a mtach and how this can be correctd so that hopefully it will not happen in the future.
    I have appeared a few times on tv and the fear of failure was extreme, its bad enough looking silly infront of the small hockey circle we travel in but infront of the whole country. I was for that brief time the face of hockey and that was enough to make me feel quite uneasy. But the faith i had in my presintation skills and knowlage of the game and the topic i was commenting go me over that fear and all went well.
    So fear of failure is key to my success as a coach. I want success ,and strive to ensure i am never arrogant enough to ignore this fear.
     

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